Bic Biro – secret agent in … A View to a Quill. (Part One)

BIC BIRO (SECRET AGENT) … A VIEW TO A QUILL

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Starring … Bic Biro

Bic Biro (codename: Biro07) breezed into M’s outer office situated in MI6’s stationery department. A very attractive middle-aged papermate seated at the desk looked up and smiled at him.

You’re looking gorgeous as ever, Miss Olivetti.

Hi Bic. Go on through. He’s expecting you.

Bic walked into M’s office. The Head of Security had been with the Service for many years. British through and through and tough as they come, his job was to monitor the activities of a criminal organisation called BLOT whose fountain-pen agents were hellbent on the total global destruction of ballpoint pens. M looked at Bic before shaking him warmly by the hand.

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Good to see you back on your feet again, Biro07.

Good to be back, Sir … and ready for action.

Glad to hear it. I have an assignment for you.

M reached into a filing cabinet, took out a manilla folder, removed a photograph and placed it on the desk in front of him.

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This is Pen Fatale … BLOT’S top female agent.

Wow, she’s a beauty. Nice nib and pink in all the right places!

And deadly, Biro07 … which is why she has to be written off.

You mean you want me to rubber out.

Very good, Biro07.

Eraser!

Precisely!

You want me to give her a jolly good tippexing.

Oh for God’s sake, Biro07! 

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So what exactly has she done, Sir ?

She is BLOT’s most dangerous assassin. She’s blotted more copybooks than you and I have had new refills. Silent and deadly. She is the ultimate Poison Pen!

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 You want me to cross her out. See to it that she writes no more.

Find her. Pump her for information. Then eliminate her.

I’ll pump her for all I’m worth, Sir.

Oh for heaven’s sake, Biro07. Behave yourself.

Any idea where I can start looking for her ?

Well, according to our latest intelligence reports, she is currently working under-cover as a singer in the Black Cat nightclub in Soho.

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And you want me to remove her cover, Sir.

Biro07! 

Sorry Sir. Couldn’t resist. I’ll get right on it.

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Bic turned to leave the office. M regarded him with almost paternal eyes. He reminded him of his own younger days …

There is just one more thing you need to know about Pen Fatale.

Sir?

She’s the one that shot you, Bic. She was under orders to kill you. Her masters won’t be happy when they find out you’re still alive. They will not tolerate failure. One of you will have to die. Make sure it’s not you, Biro07. Just make sure it’s not you …

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7 responses to “Bic Biro – secret agent in … A View to a Quill. (Part One)

  1. Brilliant! I am now off to get a hot dog from the foyer…

  2. The puns and double entendres are amazing! Awaiting part 2! while eating a hot dog…

  3. Many thanks. Ah yes, the hot dogs. Er … enjoyable ?

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