Bic Biro … a View to a Quill (part 2)



In Association With





Present a Film by Fluffy the Kitten


Starring Bic Biro

Bic Biro 4 colour



It was just gone midnight when Bic Biro arrived at the Black Cat Nightclub in Soho in search of Pen Fatale. He slipped a couple of refills to the heavy at the door and went in.  


It was a two bit stationery joint frequented by all manner of lowlifes and crazies. A sharpener was slumped at one table, half out of his mind on pencil shavings. 


 A rowdy group of felt-tips on a girl’s night out were seated at another. An old stapler was busy making out with a notepad half his age.


Faye, the good-time quill stood waiting for her next client.


  A pen pusher stood in a dark corner selling illegal ink. 


But Pen Fatale was nowhere to be seen. Bic was about to order a drink at the bar and make a few gentle enquiries when a couple of flashlights lit up a small stage area and a fat microphone pen waddled on.


Hi I’m Big-Mouth, your host for the evening. And now give it up large if you will for our resident songstress … Miss Pen Fatale!! 


The whole place erupted as she took to the stage and went straight into her signature song …

Gold felt-tip, he’s the pen
The pen with the midas touch …

Bic listened and watched as she sang and cast her spell over her entire audience. When she finished the crowd went wild. An eager young pencil pushed forward to ask for an autograph and she readily obliged. An inebriated fountain-pen groped his way towards her.

How about the two of us go back to my pad for a quick jot, babe. 

Go staple your arse, loser!

Hey sweetheart … you know you don’t mean it!

The fountain-pen felt a tap on his shoulder. He spun round and met with a pair of cold and ruthless eyes staring right into his own.

Yes, she does mean it!

The fountain-pen instinctively backed away. Bic Biro didn’t look like the type of Pen who’d lose a fight.


The fountain-pen beat a hasty retreat leaving Bic and Pen Fatale alone together. She was stunningly beautiful. Her eyes were warm and inviting. She had a smile that lit up the whole room. And yet, she was a trained assassin. BLOT’s finest and most deadly. Ever the gentleman, Bic offered to buy her a drink and they sat down.


The bar-waiter came up to get their order.


Madame ?

Pink Lady, please. And hold the cherry.

Sir ?

Vesper Martini.

Sir ?

Three measures of Gordon’s, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it very well until it’s ice cold, then add a large thin slice of lemon peel. Got it ?

Sorry Sir. We’re all out of Kina Lillet.

Oh well … half a lager and a packet of pork scratchings then.

Bic pulled his chair close to Pen Fatale and put on his sexiest voice.

So, what’s a classy pen like you doing in a dive like this ?

She looked at him intently before replying …

Your face seems strangely familiar. I’m sure we’ve already met somewhere. And you haven’t even told me your name.

Bic smiled to himself inwardly. Good. She hadn’t recognised him since he’d had his 4-Colour upgrade. He paused, before delivering his bombshell …

My name’s Biro, Bic Biro.

The colour drained from from Pen Fatale’s face.

Bic Biro! But I thought …

Argh! I've been hit!

You thought I was dead. But as you can see, I’m still very much alive and writing. Since my little escapade with an assassin’s bullet, I’ve been extensively upgraded. And I now come in four colours!

Pen Fatale seemed to regain her composure and she giggled …

That sounds … interesting. Maybe we should go back to my penthouse and you can try testing it out on me!

Just then, the bar-waiter returned with their drinks and a message for Pen Fatale.

There’s a phone- call for you Miss. You can take it in the lobby.

I’ll be back in a few minutes, Bic.

She went out towards the lobby. A few minutes passed and Pen Fatale had failed to return. Bic started to feel uneasy. A couple of vicious looking long-arm staplers were whispering to one another and pointing in his direction.


He suddenly felt a nudge in the small of his back. It was Big-mouth with his microphone switched off. The long-arms quickly joined him. 

Better come quietly, Mr Biro. Someone wants to meet you. 





5 responses to “Bic Biro … a View to a Quill (part 2)

  1. This is brilliant. A great shame Bic couldn’t get a Vesper Martini, but pork scratchings are a great substitute for just about anything. I can’t wait for the next installment! (And this is quite simply the most unusual cinema ever 😉 )

  2. Hello PorterGirl. Thank you so much for your kind support. I really appreciate it very much. 😀 I think I may give you a cameo role in Part 3. You could play a Biro Girl. Love your work! All the best. Kris.

  3. Every time I buy a new pen I write like a wizard!

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