Bic Biro … A View to a Quill (Part 3)

fafefa6c5afd8233b8ddaec8d481aa65THREE WISE MONKEYS PRODUCTIONS




and introducing Porter Girl




Bic was shoved towards the lobby by Big-Mouth and the long arm staplers. A car was waiting just outside, engine running. Pen Fatale was slumped unconscious in the front passenger seat. Bic tried to take a swing at Big- Mouth but something immediately hit him hard across the back of his head and he plunged into an inky-black pool of unconsciousness.


He came to in a small room. A very attractive woman in a bowler hat was sitting opposite him.


Ah, so you’re awake! My name’s Porter Girl, the spy with the big chest. Would you care for a cup of tea or something stronger ?

Where are we? 

I could just make you a Vesper Martini, if you prefer and then you can have a really good look at my chest.

Bic realised that, pleasant as it seemed, he was still unconscious …


He came to in another room. Only this time his head was hurting like hell. He was strapped to a table. There was some sort of fiendish device pointing right at him. 


Ah, so you’re awake! I am Vlad. Blot’s Chief Mad Scientist. 


Hi. Nice to meet you. What the hell is that thing ?

 That is my new Death Pen Laser.

Impressive. Only … are you sure it’s a laser ?

Of course it is. Why do you ask ?

Well, it looks like one of those flashlight pens to me. Very annoying but completely harmless.

But it said it was a Death Pen Laser in the catalogue.

A catalogue! You got it out of a catalogue!

Yes. 12 easy payments over 2 years. Interest free. Batteries included and easy to follow instruction manual with full-colour illustrations plus optional upgrades and 24 hour telephone helpline.

Oh Vlad. Dear sweet gullible Chief Mad Scientist Vlad. What the hell were you thinking. Tell me it came with a full warranty.


A 6 months guarantee then covering parts and labour ?

Er … no. Do you think they’ll give me a refund ?


A voice of pure malice and evil made the room they were in shake to its very foundations. Vlad crept into a corner and began to whimper and shake uncontrollably.


It belonged to non other than Le Quille, head of all BLOT’s global terror squads. He gave his Chief Mad Scientist a withering glance.

Vlad. You’re an idiot. Go away.

Vlad left the room, trailing a little line of ink behind him as he went. Le Quille turned his attention towards Bic. 

Sorry about that. He’s new. 😕

It’s OK. Don’t worry about it. These things happen. 

So we meet at last, Mr Biro. Or should I say, Biro07. 

What have you done with Pen Fatale, you bloody quillian bastard ?

She is locked securely in a cell until I decide what to do with her, you four-coloured refillable freak boy! 

OK, Le Quille. This Death Pen Laser thing. Are you intending to use it on me or are you just going to bore me to death ?

 b23c_ultimate_5in1_geek_pen_animThis puny looking thing ? No, Mr Biro. This is merely the remote control for  …

Le Quille pressed a switch. A panel slid open in the ceiling and a hideous contraption began to slowly descend towards the table on which Bic lay helplessly.



Porter Girl appeared by kind permission of …


2 responses to “Bic Biro … A View to a Quill (Part 3)

  1. Woohoo! The genius continues and I am in it! References to my beauty and large chest are much appreciated, if rather unwarranted. Bravo, dear chap!

  2. Don’t mention it. Can’t wait to see how your Gmail quest pans out as well.

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