Fluffy the Kitten presents
The following morning Bic Biro was back in ‘M’ ‘s office at MI6’s stationery office. ‘M’ was sounding quite pleased for once.
Your hunch was correct, Biro07. They are map coordinates.
It’s a tiny island off the coast of Spain, known to the locals as La Isla El Blotto. It is owned by the eccentric billionaire, Alfonso Ferraro. He is a known BLOT sympathiser who bankrolls many of their darkest machinations. This is the picture we have of him on our files.
But he’s a biro! He’s a traitor to all biro-kind.
He has no moral scruples whatsoever.
Have BLOT been in contact again ?
Yes. They have given us a deadline. We have 24 hours to accede to their demands – 20 billion pounds and Kate Upton’s telephone number. Otherwise, they will reduce London to a pile of irradiated rubble.
You’ve got to get me in there!
Are you talking about Miss Upton again ?
‘M’ really! I was referring to La Isla El Blotto.
Yes, of course. We’ll parachute you in under cover of darkness. You will have to disarm the atomic bomb and destroy the rocket launching base. As for Alfonso Ferraro – well, I’ll leave that decision to you. A submarine will be waiting for you when your mission is complete.
There was a knock at the door. A rather quirky looking pen entered the room. It was ‘Q’, MI6’s eccentric gadgets and weapons expert.
Hello Biro07, I have some new gadgets for you to try out on your mission.
Er … Very nice, but not my size.
Don’t need one!
Cheap and tacky.
Hang on a minute. Aren’t you Nigel from packing ?
I’ve been on a conversion course. I am now Nigel the exploding pen. I’ll explode right now if you want me to.
‘M’ and ‘Q’ both dived under the desk. Bic just smiled.
Look I don’t need all this stuff. Really I don’t. Not even you Nigel. All I need are my wits, my ravishing good looks and a rivetingly good but ever so slightly improbable storyline that always gets me out of trouble.
Have it your way, Biro07. Your old car is right outside the building. You will drive through the streets of London at breakneck speed until you arrive at the City Airport where a military jet is waiting for you on the runway.
Well, I’d better be off then.
London needs you Biro07. Britain needs you. Kate Upton needs … an older man’s wisdom and experience.
I won’t let you down.
God speed Bic Biro.
As Bic made his way down the stairs there came a muffled explosion from ‘M’ s office followed by ‘M’ s angry voice.
Oh for Christ’s sake, Nigel! I didn’t ask for a bloody demonstration. Get him out of here ‘Q’ !