Our hero has landed by parachute on La Isla El Blotto, location of BLOT’s secret rocket base. He has just met the evil Alphonso Ferraro’s delectable girlfriend, Penny Lush. We now pick up the story as Bic is staring at the kneecaps of her enormous and brutish looking bodyguard, BIG-KNIB. He was in deep trouble. A charm offensive was his only option.
So you’re called BIG KNIB. Such a pretty name.
BIG KNIB picked Bic up by the scruff of his biro neck.
Shut yer bleedin’ mouth smart-arse. I’m taking you to see Mr Ferraro.
Bic smiled at Penny who just waved and continued sipping her cocktail under the palm-tree.
See you later gorgeous.
They made their way through a maze of gradually downward sloping tunnels. BIG KNIB clomped clumsily along with Bic flung over his shoulders like a sack of potatoes. After a while the tunnnels led out into a massive subterranean cave. BLOT operatives scurried around everywhere. In the centre was a rocket and the bomb was just being hoisted up to sit on its nose.
A loudspeaker clicked on and a sinister voice spoke …
Ah, good. I see that our visitor has arrived. Bring him up to the control room BIG KNIB.
Bic was dragged up a flight of steps and was greeted by Alphonso Ferraro himself.
So you’re the famous Bic Biro. We meet at last. Are you really the very best that MI6 can offer! What fools you are to think you can come up against the forces of BLOT.
I fully intend to blow you and your rocket-base to kingdom come, you treacherous swine. You will never destroy London!
Oh, you are such a funny pen, Bic Biro. Laugh at the funny pen, BIG KNIB … before you feed him to … THE SHARKS!!!
BIG KNIB’s enormous shoulders shook with laughter.
And those sharks are very hungry, boss. Starving!
I hate to spoil the fun but something has just occured to me. A slight problem. A bit of a plot-hole really. Rather embarrassing.
No. You’re OK. It’s probably nothing. Forget I mentioned it.
Well, I was thinking. Do sharks actually eat biros ?
They eat a varied and balanced diet. I am sure that the occasional biro would be OK. I’ve read up on it. I’m somewhat of an expert on these matters you know.
Fine. Go ahead. You just get BIG NUTS here to throw me in then. And to hell with the consequences.
And what if I don’t want to throw you in!
But I absolutely insist you throw me in.
No. I’m running this show. I’ve changed my mind. You can stay here with me. Yours will be the hand that pushes the launch button. You BIC BIRO will be the pen that destroys London. Ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!!!