I, Writer … # 7 (A little background radiation)

I, Writer … # 7  (A little background radiation)


For those who are aware of  I, Writer’s adventures, you will know that I am attempting to reach Full-timeness.

If this is your first visit then where the hell have you been ?

Anyway … I am currently somewhere. I think I should be somewhere else. I have been eating cakes. Pessimism told me they were bookworm crap. He is such a little shit. Fortunately, his sister Optimism is at hand and so it is to her that I turn.

Please can you tell me where we are.

All in good time. Tell me a little something about yourself  if you don’t mind. I will just sit on this rock and take all my clothes off.

I have never been a full-time writer. I have been a published author though. Way back in the 1980’s, Hamish Hamilton published three of my stories for children. I was very lucky. Having previously decided to find a literary agent good fortune led me to a firm called Murray Pollinger. They took me on. I found out later that they also represented Roald Dahl.

This is the nice letter they sent me way back in … 1980.


If you want to understand the next bit then you need to … (dramatic pause), read the letter. I suspect that many of you weren’t even born when it was written.

See that P.S. paragraph right under the signature. That’s the one I went for. I visited  the library and looked at a few other books that had already been published in the same series. 

To cut a long story short or a short story long, Hamish Hamilton published my first story in 1982, the second in 1983 and the next in 1985.


Cover of my 3rd book

So … over 30 years later and here we are. 

Before I put my clothes on, I would like to know the titles of your books in chronological order together with their current Amazon rankings.

Present from 2B (Gazelle Books) Hardback – 1982
by C.M. White

6,905,303 in Amazon Bestsellers Rankings for books.

Monkey Tricks (Gazelle Books) Hardback – 1983
by Christopher M. White

6,905,304 in Amazon Bestsellers Rankings for books.

Robin and Rob (Gazelle Books) Hardback – 1985
by Christopher White

6,905,305 in Amazon Bestsellers Rankings for books

Are you seriously telling me that your current bestseller is 

 # 6, 905, 303 on Amazon

Er … Yes. You really should buy a copy. Before they run out.

These clothes are going back on right now!! 


I’ll take my clothes off if you want.


Now, I know what you’re thinking.

Who is # 1 ?

Well, at the time of writing it’s Lean in 15 – The Shape Plan: 15 minute meals with workouts to build a strong, lean body by Joe Wicks. In fact, four of the books in the current Amazon top 10 are about healthy eating. J. K. Rowling is at # 6 and isn’t even published yet.

Anyway. Forget about them. The time is now ripe to build on my obviously phenomenal popularity. I turn to Optimism. She is now fully clothed which seems a pity.

Please can you tell me where we are.



18 responses to “I, Writer … # 7 (A little background radiation)

  1. Wow, Kris! This is awesome! That letter is such an honor. You must have jumped high all day long when you got it. Although it is some…. 30 years ago my congratulations. That is amazing! And I love your humor…. lol!

  2. I drove through Swaffham Ballbeck a couple of weeks ago. Wonderful part of the country. I was not quite born in July of 1980, but I was on my way. I didn’t realise you were such a literary legend! I am almost 100% sure I owned a copy of Robin and Rob. This is so amazing that I am going to go over here and take all my clothes off whilst hunting for cake.

  3. Thanks Erika. I jump very slowly. Ridiculously so. 😎

  4. Wow Chris – what made you give up? 3 seems such a good start – did you go into different genres or something?

  5. Kris, I love this piece.
    Sending hugs. Sharing it as well.

  6. Pingback: Array

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