I, Writer … # 15

I, Writer … # 15





I’d answered an advert online.

Ghost Writer required. Hours to suit. Reasonable rates.

Excellent conditions. A job for life.


So, there I was, in a cemetery, leaning against a tombstone taking dictation from Dearly Departed. We’d worked out a series of alphabetic taps and scrapes. Not Morse code exactly but near enough. I won’t bore you with the details at the moment. Suffice to say, it worked. Dearly Departed had an eternity and I had time on my hands.

My spirited friend, who I shall now refer to as DD, had always wanted to write a novel. It’s never too late in my opinion. And besides, literature from the Great Beyond is always so classy. 

The opening sentence had been very tricky …

I am damned.

Good. Quite good. A little bit more perhaps …

I am so damned.

Yes. Quite punchy. Very modern. Really down with the lit kids. But it sounds just a bit dark and final …

I am so damned sexy.

And that was it. Game on. Once we’d gotten into the literary flow of things, there was no stopping us. 


A best seller on at least two planes of existence is not to be sniffed at. The royalties were unpredictable. But, when Death acts as both your literary agent and editor-in-chief, it’s best not to argue too much. And there are other things worse than death.

Anyway, once the word was spread throughout several Hereafters, my services were in great demand and I had more work than I could handle.

OK. Back to the online advert. I had been in a bit of a fix …




10 responses to “I, Writer … # 15

  1. Now, that is a stroke of absolute genius, dear chap. Sort of a cross between Doris Stokes and John le Carre. I hope you have warmed up a bit now. I would suggest asking Death for a little cuddle but he doesn’t seem the type.

    • Duvets are wonderful things. So is hot chocolate. I don’t care much for being cold as it gives me brain freeze. The local library is quite close so I will be writing there as well. It is good to be back in the UK though. I miss Corfu.
      I miss Dave. We had to leave him as it was his home and it wouldn’t have been right to bring him here. He’s a bin cat and very tough.
      How are you doing ? Is the work going well ?
      All the very best. Chris.

      • I am sorry you are cold and missing the wonderful Dave. I miss hearing about him, but you are right, it wouldn’t have been fair to bring him over. All is quite good with me, thanks, the next book is ticking along nicely and of course I have my blogs. I’ve been getting some random work too, writing some short stories and whatnot. The offer of a guided tour of Cambridge still stands, although you might want to wait until things warm up a tad.

      • Thanks Lucy. Glad to hear about the short stories as well. I’m writing a few magazine articles about Corfu. The Writers and Artists yearbook is pretty good for that sort of thing.

      • I never thought I would write short stories but they are actually easier than long ones. Glad to hear your full-timeness is continuing apace. Keep up the good work!

  2. Wonderful – clearly the cold weather has not affected your creativity. Did you use Morse code?
    Sorry to hear about Dave. I hope someone on Corfu will adopt him…

  3. More like morose code I should say. Yes, I felt bad about Dave but I’m sure he’ll be fine. I, Ghostwriter is the germ of an idea. Have to see where it leads.
    All the best. Chris.

  4. Pingback: HAPPY CREEPY HALLOWEEN! | Routine Matters

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